TASS headlines, 28 October 2001
Moscow:
In a shocking announcement, chairman of the Presidium of the Supreme
Soviet of USSR Aljaksandar Ryhoravich Lukashenka confirmed that
the Supreme Soviet has obtained irrefutable proofs that terrorist
attacks on the building of MTC (Mirovoj torgovyj centr) in Moscow 
on 11 Sep 2001 were organized by Supreme Soviet of Afghan Soviet Islamic
Republic, and has voted to expel Afghanistan from the Soviet Union as of 
1 November 2001.
Immediate expulsion of underdevelopped republic from the economically 
prosperous union will have disasterous effects on Afghan economy, mostly
dependant on oil export into the rest of USSR and on receiving generous
subsidies from central budget. 

However, anonymous member of KGB's special committee investigating
the terrorist attack said that the proofs are not irrefutable at all
and that the attack was just a very convenient excuse for the Supreme
Soviet to get rid of troublesome republic.

Admission (or, as some high ranked KPSS officials admit, annexation)
of Afghanistan into Soviet Union in 1980 is generally considered to 
be one of the biggest blunders of otherwise successful Brezhnev's
policy, and the republic has since given the USSR more trouble than
it was worth.

Although surprising, expulsion of member republic from USSR is not 
quite unprecedent. Following the violent conflict regarding
Nagornyj Karabax in 1988, Azerbaijan's membership in the Union
was suspended for 2 years.

Leader of ultra centric fraction of KPSS Vladimir Volfovich' Zhirinovskij
commented on the situation: "They [the republics] have too much
sovereignity, this would not have happened under comrade Stalin"

Lukashenka also assured governments of Czech Republic, Poland, 
Slovakia and Hungary, that these events will not have any negative 
influence on ongoing talks about admission of these countries into
the Union, and the path of admission will continue as planned.